its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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