I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
