Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
