Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Randomize
