Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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