its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
