coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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