will power is for people who don't want to get laid
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
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