I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
