u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Randomize
