Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Randomize
