Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
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