Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
