We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Randomize
