just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Randomize
