I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
