his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
