Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
