why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?