I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same