Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
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