Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
