this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
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