Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
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