i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
