You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Also, beer. Big fan.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
