Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
