no. you can't hotbox the world.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
