yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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