Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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