one two three fourrrrnication!
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
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