dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
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