Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
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Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
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At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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