how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Randomize
