hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
