when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
