I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Randomize
