Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
