I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
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