If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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