i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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