I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
