It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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