So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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