Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
