Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
