There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
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