I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
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