FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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