I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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