i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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