you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Randomize
