So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
