Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
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