i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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