I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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