brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
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