I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
