I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Randomize
