if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
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It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
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The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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