hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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