Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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