I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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