Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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