Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
handjob tips. give me some.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
