There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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