he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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