nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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