there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
