I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
