just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
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