I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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