guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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