i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
