You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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